#54- Syaitan

Saban hari diri tertunduk malu
Di ufuk jiwa kelammya dunia
Di benak fikiran merunsingkan
Saban waktu kau tertunduk malu.

Andai kata gelora menampar dada
Terhapus segala intepretasi rasa
Delusi bukan lagi realiti
Dan mimpi bukan lagi ilusi.

Saban hari diri tertunduk malu
Lelah kau mencari anasir jahat
Kau sangkakan dia orangnya
Punca kegelapan merasuk diri
Hingga suatu masa engkau terlupa.

Kau mencari cari syaitan di keliling
Merasuk rasuk jiwa akal mahupun hati
Hingga kau terlupa engkau lah syaitan yang di cari.

aainaa narilsa

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#53- Half Of Me

I walk in a circle of silence, as if I am held like a leech in a jar of thick glass.
The embodiment, like a dark & silent kind of silhouette.

Dreaded.
Rotten.
Just another whimsical bleak night.

Stumbled upon those astonishing orbs of passion & sincerity.
Solemnly, it crippled me. Are you still exist?
It is just another distraction. Forget it. Forget everything.
Creeping in the dark, trying to find it back.
Where could it be? Where should I find it? What have I done?
Are you still exist?

We think too much, and feel so little.

I guess I have to be so happy for being too miserable.
But why should you go far far away from me.
You left me behind, with nothing more than a misery.
I couldn't stand being like this, I'm suffering; unbearable.
Suffocated.

What have I done? What have you done to me?
Give me back the other half of  me.
Give me back my pseudonym.
I'm incomplete.
I'm nothing without me.

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#52- Alive

One moment, I look upon the sky and I saw stars are shining. Moon is smiling. I can't believe that I was extricated from all those terrible dead-end.

     A long before this, I was invaded by a heart killers like a truly genocide but this is another kind of genocide, it's a heart genocide. One heart that was beaten up & impaled by a few silhouette killers. Thousand times I crooned, blamed on everyone and everything near me, I acted viciously. Furious with the scoundrel situation, I became barbaric & heinous towards myself. I punished myself and God knows how stupid I was that time just to attract their attention but every dumb act sequel to a negative consequences. I hurled my affection, pushed it away far from my broken heart. I have no heart. There is no softness, no tenderness, no sympathy. No sentiment inside me. And I thought that sorrow as deep as mine could only lead to death. Cinched, its going to take a few months or maybe years to cure it. My lips were no longer know, forgot the taste of smiling and laughter. Pale face, deep deep deep illness, and enormous agony engulfed me. Clenched, crippled, indignation & absolute absurd vicinity made me turned to solitary. I shut everyone out; best friends, friends & acquaintances. Included family, I only hide my feelings from them & acted like nothing ever happened but I know that they knew it already. I was no longer know on how to write and make beautiful poems again. I lost myself. Feels like the sky collapsed & fell onto me. Death was only that I wished for. Tired of expecting & at the end of it I got nothing. I have nothing to offer anyone except my own confusion. I was so good that I was so bad. Useless, pointless & hopeless. Loneliness attacked. Clamored myself to start socializing again but as expected people come & people go. And people going to come some more. I murmured, depression continues again. Hating people who forsaken me.

And until one day, I met him...

For the first time in my life I felt like I've known someone for ages, for my whole lifetime but the reality is I just know him for a few days before. Slushy Aainaa submerged into affection. Complete passion inside me. I am truly comfortable with him. He brighten up my days. His jokes & sweet words enlightened me. Unconsciously, he brought me up, he made me alive. He carved my smiles and laughs. Nothing is ever misfits between me & him. Blooming heart appealed & allegiance is all I have for him. Effusive love I have is only for him. I have never feel this such kind of feeling; beatific. I swear this is my first time of loving someone so much that just by hearing his voice could make me floating in serenity.

Impeccable; imploring that my future will have him by my side. To build our own impeccable future together & to you as my lifetime partner is all I wish for. Dunya & akhirah.

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